Last weekend I went to visit an old friend from college. It had been over three years since I’d seen her, thanks to life getting busy and then Covid interrupting everything. Fortunately, she’s the sort of friend whom I can go years without seeing and months without talking to, and we always pick up very comfortably where we left off. She lives in a wooded and very lovely part of New Jersey, so we had all of these autumnal plans. We were going…

One of the big turning points in my recovery was the moment that I started to tell people that I was in recovery. This meant giving a name to my eating disorder. It’s not as if everyone who knew me didn’t already know that I had an eating disorder. It’s just that I was far too defensive to talk about it. I either denied that I had one, or—later, when orthorexia was especially bad—I tried to pass it off as a health initiative….

You know those moments when a bunch of signs seem to show up at once, all pointing toward the same thing? It’s World Mental Health Day, and this morning I posted something on Instagram about my ongoing effort to live in the present. This summer I told a friend of mine that, for the first time in my life, my main priority was to have good days and good memories. I meant two things when I said this. The first is that I’ve…

There’s this chocolate cake recipe I’ve been working on for the better part of two years. The recipe is intended for the cookbook I’m still working to complete, though I was playing around with versions of it even before the book became a reality. Like most cakes, it has required a lot of tinkering, but I’ve probably iterated it more than any other baking project that I can remember. At one point this past summer, after tasting maybe eight or nine versions, my…

Yesterday was a long one. I spent most of it in the ER with my mom, who had a health scare. Fortunately, we got good care and the diagnostic process was straightforward. We left with a treatment plan, and everything will be OK. It was scary and stressful, but I stayed calm throughout the afternoon. The moment that threw me—the one I wanted to mention here today—was around 4pm. I’d been with my mom since the late morning, when she texted to tell…

I took a led yoga class yesterday, and the sweetest thing happened. We were all doing Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana B, a balancing posture. While standing, one grabs hold of a big toe (or a bent knee) while extending that leg out to the side. Traditionally, one gazes in the opposite direction as the extended leg. Because my gaze was away from my leg, I couldn’t tell how close my foot was to my yoga neighbor. My balance faltered a little as I worried…

A little tidbit from yesterday: I got on the phone with a friend at some point during the day. At the end of our call, she asked if I wanted to join her as she walked her dog (she lives close by). I told her no; I had just taken a walk, and I had more work to do. After we hung up, I stared at my apartment and my kitchen counter covered in ingredients. I wanted to work, but I felt resistance…