Happy Sunday, friends.
I had an important learning moment this week when I said something very unkind about myself in front of my mom.
To be honest, I didn’t think much about the words as they left my lips. But the moment I observed my mom’s reaction, I knew that I’d been wrong to speak that way in front of her.
She looked crushed.
I spend a lot of time talking about self-compassionate speech in front of my clients. I actually request that we use body-compassionate and body-respectful language in sessions; of course it’s OK for us to talk about body image struggles, but I encourage my clients against calling themselves names, or using cruel language to describe themselves.
Obviously, this was one of those “physician, heal thyself” moments.
I think mean, unsympathetic things about myself continually, even if it’s rare for me to articulate them. I’m comfortable in front of my mom, which is why I let one of my many judgments slip out.
As I witnessed her hurt and distress, I realized that self-loathing words can truly wound people who love us. My language injured her no less than if they’d been about her or directed at her.
I understood that I owe it to my mom to speak about myself with respect. I may not be able to control the vicious internal voice, but refusing to give it speech is a first step in taking away its power.
Of course, I owe this practice to myself as much as to her.
I read so much about quieting negative self-talk, and it’s advice that I dole out to others with ease. There’s a real emptiness in speaking about self-compassion if I’m not able, or willing, to undertake it as a practice—the practice of a lifetime, maybe.
As it happens, the practice has felt especially hard, and sometimes impossible, in the last week. But I’m trying. And I wish you a week that’s animated by deep, abiding self-compassion, just as I wish that for me.
Here are some recipes and reads.
Recipes
1. Jessica’s tortiére is a perfect holiday centerpiece.
2. Broccoli pasta with chick’n is a perfect high protein pasta supper for plant-based folks.
3. I’ve been on a veggie-smashing kick this year, first broccoli florets, and most recently new potatoes. I’ll have to give smashed Brussels sprouts a try!
4. I’ve been staying at a friend’s place outside of NYC with a few girlfriends this weekend. My friend made a pot of this chili last night, and it was so tasty.
5. I love a seasonal soft-baked cookie.
Reads
1. A moving narrative of one man’s journey from incarceration to a “ministry of baking” at one of San Francisco’s celebrated bakeries.
2. Phosphorus doesn’t get as much social media focus as magnesium, but it’s such an important mineral! Here’s a fun fact sheet on its benefits.
3. Food memories are so powerful, and it’s a beautiful thing when they become embedded into the most important moments in our lives. In this pictorial essay, a woman revisits the gelateria where she tasted her most delicious bite of gelato—and a fresh appreciation of her own health.
4. I’m eager to read Daniel Levitin’s new book, I Heard There Was a Secret Chord, which examines the impact of music on our brains. In the meantime, this review gives good insight into his remarkable findings.
5. The next round of dietary guidelines for Americans is on the way, and as usual, creating them presents researchers and policymakers with difficult questions and problems to solve.
With summer basil slipping out of season, I’ve been making batch after batch of my sun-dried tomato pesto as an alternative to traditional pesto.
Even though I shared this recipe less than two years ago, I’d all but forgotten how much I love it, not only on pasta but also as a sandwich/panini spread. It’s so savory and rich in flavor, and I think it may be my favorite pesto preparation, period!
That’s on the meal prep agenda this week, along with chili leftovers from the weekend. Hope you’ve got something to nourish and comfort you in the fridge or freezer, too, and I’ll be back to share a new recipe soon.
xo
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FWIW, Gena, I don’t think it’s actually possible to quieten those negative voices inside our heads. I stopped trying to do so many years ago.
What I try to do instead is to remind myself, whenever the negative voice gets louder, that it’s an indication that I’m feeling sad or anxious or angry about something and have turned those emotions against myself instead of allowing myself to explore them. Sometimes this reminder to myself to explore my feelings and what’s really going on with me can help me live with, or quieten, the negative voice.
The other thing I do is acknowledge the noise in my head and tell myself that I can walk with it. I can’t embrace it — that’s beyond me — but I can walk with it. I can co-exist. I can.
I don’t know if any of this is helpful, but these are the practices I have found most helpful.