A long time ago, a therapist told me that if one person in a relationship over-efforts all the time, the other person will inevitably under-effort.

I no longer stay in relationships where that dynamic is at play. But I haven’t grown out of the tendency to over-effort or overextend myself unsolicitedly.

I’ve had a lot on my plate lately. As a result, I’ve had no choice but to ask people—friends, colleagues, family—to be a little more accommodating than usual.

This hasn’t been a problem for any of my loved ones, but it’s sure been hard for me! I realize how often I adapt to other peoples’ needs and priorities while simultaneously struggling to voice my own.

If a friend of mine articulates a boundary of some kind—a time limit, a schedule constraint, a request for space—I’m quick to accept and respect it.

Yet I hesitate ask the same of others, even if my intellect is certain that the people in my life are as understanding as I try to be.

It’s been really healthy to have no choice but to say, “here’s what I can do right now, and here’s what I can’t do.” I’ve been forced to undertake the practice of self-care through boundary setting.

Shockingly, nothing bad has happened. No one is mad at me, nobody has taken it the wrong way.

The only change that’s taken place is that I’ve been forced to reckon with how uncomfortable it makes me to ask directly for other people’s consideration—a healthy, mature, and arguably overdue practice.

Does any of this resonate?

If it does, then I want to offer you the reassurance that other people are as eager to make life easy for you as you are for them. They may in fact jump at the chance, especially if you’ve been quick to extend yourself for them in the past.

Reciprocity feels good for everyone. There’s a time to be generous and accommodating, and there’s a time to receive.

Happy Sunday, friends. Here are some recipes and reads.

Recipes

1. As I’m on a mushroom kick lately, these portobello mushroom lettuce cups caught my eye. They’re a fun appetizer, and they’d be easy to make vegan by omitting the fish sauce.

2. Of all of the many tofu scrambles I’ve made, I’ve not yet tried a pesto version. Maybe now is the time!

3. Almond chai oatmeal is just what I need on my chilly, early winter mornings.

4. I love adding apple to cabbage slaw, and this version looks particularly fresh and appealing.

5. Lentil soup is a mainstay in my home, and I would love to try Isabel’s Mexican version (no biggie to trade the chicken bouillon for a veggie version).

Reads

1. I deal with most things better in the morning. How about you?

2. A new marine sanctuary near the Marshall islands is so brimming with life that it’s “like diving in the ocean of 1,000 years ago.”

3. So many of the folks I work with are stressed about the cost of groceries these days. Here are some ideas for saving a little in the face of inflation. I’ve been shopping my pantry/freezer for months now, and it’s made a real difference.

4. A well-argued perspective on medical over-testing. Dietitians are rarely able to order diagnostic tests, but we can interpret many of them, and we can certainly coordinate with other providers to make them happen.

I relate to the issues that the author, Rahul Parikh, is grappling with. I feel sensitive to my clients’ desire for certainty and want to cover all of my bases. Yet I understand that too many tests (and the accompanying risk of false positives) is likely to cause my clients stress, or even harm.

5. In France, a new saliva test is being pioneered to diagnose endometriosis without invasive tests or procedures. That’s really cool.

I didn’t have a lot of time for meal prep this weekend, but with the time I had, only the “bigger is better” lasagna from The Vegan Week would do.

It’s still my favorite lasagna ever—and that’s saying a lot, as lasagna is my favorite food!

If you don’t have the book, but lasagna is just what the doctor ordered, then you can check out my creamy vegan skillet lasagna or wholesome vegan kale, lentil, and mushroom lasagna as well. Both recipes are great comfort food.

I’ve also got some rice, defrosted seitan sausages (also from The Vegan Week), smoky collards, and red beans. And lots of grains, greens, and beans in the pantry if I need anything extra.

Hope you can keep your cup full this week, good nourishment included.

xo