Hello, hello!

What a treat to be sitting here writing a weekend reading post. It was my Sunday ritual for so long, but it’s been a whole six (!) weeks since my last check-in.

One exciting thing has happened since then: A Grain, a Green, a Bean was published. I’m super grateful for the positive feedback and support so far.

Otherwise, I’ve been immersed in my practice and my new clinical role, learning as much as I can and trying to juggle everything with grace.

It hasn’t always been easy. Self-employment is challenging in so many ways: wearing all the hats, shouldering so many responsibilities at once, staying positive through periods of uncertainty.

But I’m also realizing how much working for myself has insulated me against other kinds of challenges: adapting to new environments, answering to supervisors, doing things in ways that feel counterintuitive.

When you work alone, you march to the beat of your own drum; when you work on a team, nestled within a big institution, you’re part of an orchestra.

ESRD and dialysis are really complex, and the learning curve continues to be a steep one. I spend most of my waking moments—from my morning commute to the few sleepy minutes before bed—buried in articles.

That said, all of the important things are clicking into place. I love my patients, the work is interesting, and I have awesome colleagues.

I’ve written often about the deeper layers of eating disorder recovery, by which I mean the parts of recovery that have nothing to do with food or eating.

There’s still a part of me that works overtime to keep myself safe, to avoid unknowns, to maneuver circumstances so that I can maintain a sense of being right, being OK, being in control. It may no longer permeate my relationship with food, but it holds me back regardless.

There have been a lot of constraints in the past three months: limited social time and free time, long days indoors, and little energy for cooking or writing.

Emotionally and intellectually, though, it’s been an adventure.

The discomfort I’ve felt is a normal part of any new undertaking, but it’s also a meaningful expression of my willingness to feel disoriented, to do things someone else’s way, and to part with my routines.

I think this is what living in recovery is all about.

Happy Sunday, friends. Here are some recipes and reads.

Recipes

1. A lot of people have mentioned this creamy white bean recipe to me, and on Friday night, a good friend made it for me when I came over for dinner. Yum!

2. I made quick pickled squash slices last summer and loved them. This marinated zucchini recipe feels adjacent, and I’m excited to try it.

3. I’ll be making charred corn and tomato tartines this summer for sure.

4. I’ve fallen in love with green olives this year, and I can’t wait to try Traci’s tapenade.

5. Love the idea of blackberry pie bars for when a pie craving hits, but rolling out dough isn’t in the cards.

Reads

1. I’ve been finding hope and consolation in a reminder that science marches on, and promising advances are unfolding all the time.

2. I’ve been known to indulge my nostalgia for Stouffer’s specialties (hello, chickpeas à la king and tempeh salisbury steak). Kind of fun to read a history of Stouffers and learn that it was originally a restaurant company.

3. This is the second article I’ve highlighted that talks about gardening as an antidote to perfectionism. It’s really wise.

4. Gut bacteria are increasingly implicated in non-gut-related autoimmune diseases. I thought it was interesting to read about how a gut bacterium called Enterococcus gallinarum can trigger an autoimmune response when it migrates out of the GI tract.

5. In honor of the day, twenty-five questions that can bring you closer to your mom (or to a mother figure in your life).

Usually I sign off by writing about what I’ve been cooking, but this is more a week of food assembly than recipe prep.

However, after wincing at the price of Kite Hill cream cheese at a local market, I decided to make a batch of my tofu cream cheese yesterday. I’m happy to have had it in time for my morning bagel.

For housekeeping notes, I’m still figuring out my new cadence for blogging. It’s likely that my weekend reflections will become monthly reflections, though a shorter weekly link roundup might become a subscribers-only offering. I’ll share updates when I have them!

For today, I wish you the sunshine and softness of spring. Hope you enjoy the rest of this Sunday.

xo

P.S. For my fellow home cooks who don’t always feel like cooking: I recently joined Maggie Hoffman on The Dinner Plan podcast to talk about this very topic. You can read about it and listen in here.