First, a thank you for the kind comments and wishes last week, as I was venting about hitting a wall. That mood carried right through the early part of the past week. By Tuesday evening, I felt as though I was only a few millimeters away from a good, old-fashioned meltdown. And then it was Wednesday. And there was the inauguration, and Amanda Gorman’s beautiful poem, “The Hill We Climb,” and a sense of relief that was more profound than I expected it…

I hit a wall this week. I’ve been overwhelmed, super irritable, snapping and freaking out over nonsense, and exhausted. So, so exhausted. It must be going around, because I’ve had conversation after conversation this week with people who are feeling the exact same way. Even with vaccines on the horizon, any kind of recognizable normalcy still feels very far away. Meanwhile we’re still home all the time, with no escape from work, parenting, lack of privacy, or total isolation, depending on the circumstances….

I’ve been trying to write something all day, without much success. Events of the past week have left me at a loss for words. I was thinking that I’d post a weekend pause, telling you that I’d be back with regularly scheduled programming next week. But in the back of my mind was an exchange that I’d had with a friend earlier in the week, on Monday. For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about it. And I thought that there must be…

I vetoed It’s a Wonderful Life on Christmas eve. My mom suggested watching it. Under normal circumstances, it’s a holiday movie that I enjoy. But I just wasn’t up for Frank Capra this year. I didn’t want to contend with the movie’s heartwarming notes or its dark ones. I felt OK, but it took a lot of work to feel OK, to contain my underlying sadness about the year and the strange holiday season. I knew that if I took in any extra…

I had a funny Christmas. It was sweet and peaceful in a lot of ways. Lots of quality time with my mom. But weird things kept happening. I walked over to a friend’s apartment on Thursday morning to drop off a gift. She’s not big on celebrating Christmas, but she knows that the holiday is special to me. “How’s your Christmas?” she asked.  “OK,” I responded. As I did, I surprised myself by starting to cry on the street. Something similar happened on Christmas…

I saw a quotation on Jamie Varon’s Instagram recently that stopped me in my tracks. Varon wrote, It’s almost 2021. And you’re going to feel the pressure to evaluate 2020 by the way your body looks, the amount in your bank account, how much you got done or did not get done. And how about this idea? Don’t. Don’t evaluate it. Don’t look back and wish you’d done it differently. What an idea. I keep reading or hearing about the unexpected ways in…

My godfather passed away from Covid-19 last Monday. My mom and I had been preparing ourselves for a few days, as his condition declined. But he seemed to be a little better, just before the end, and we’d both responded with some cautious hope. I happened to lose my godmother at the beginning of October. She didn’t have Covid, but her death was very sudden. I’ve been thinking all week about godparents and people who feel like godparents. I hadn’t seen Bill—Uncle Bill,…